Not all relationships will lead to marriage, some will help you discover new restaurants;)
When I first split with my husband, it drove me bonkers that one of the first things people would say to me, “Don’t worry, you won’t be alone for long!”...Honestly, what does that have to with the price of rice in China?!?
I chuckle at the idea that people, in order to be happy and whole, feel that they need to be in a relationship of some kind. I didn’t leave my marriage to jump into another relationship. In fact, it’s been over 4 years and I’m happily single. Most of the time, anyways...Washing your duvet cover and putting that bad boy back on is really a 2 person job;)
Would I like to fall in love again? You betcha! But I think you need to find happiness from within and that certainly won’t come in the form of anyone or anything but yourself! Love yourself...be ok with yourself...but most importantly, be good to yourself! Everything else will fall into place when it’s suppose to.
Now having said that…That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go out and have some fun along the way of self-discovery! I can share some insight on how to navigate your way through the online dating world, if that’s up your alley. This is where we’re at - the whole bloody game has changed!
Over 40 in the online dating game, is like walking down Douglas Street on a full moon! Lots of interesting characters trying to grab your attention. You know them...the ones who just want a smile, and a polite hello--which you should oblige, it costs nothing to smile back. Then there are the ones who are a little too forward--so you don’t make eye contact, you just pick up your pace and walk on by. Then come the ones that are so completely sketchy and offside that you cross the street or do an about-face just so you don’t have to be in the same vicinity.
It’s similar to online- Some aren’t your type, some you’re not sure about, and some are a downright, “No way!”
Does anyone really knows what their type is?!? Like most people, I certainly know what I don’t want, but honestly, I’m not sure what I do want in a potential partner?!? I have found that dating online has put me in touch with a variety of people I would’ve otherwise never come across. That’s what I love about it! Meeting new people and hearing their take on life. Some views are the same as yours, and sometimes you think, “Who the fuck let this person out on a day pass?”
I don’t think you should bend on what is important to you in a relationship, but maybe you should be open to different...You just never know, ya know!? Take online dating for what it is-a great concept and medium to meet new people. It can be a helluva lot of fun if you let it!
I feel there are 3 things that can happen with online dating experiences. Of course there are variables, I have just simplified it. Here it goes:
You match, you message, you meet. No sparks but you still enjoy yourself. Maybe you’ll go out again as friends or maybe you won’t. No harm, no foul! To me, that’s a successful meet and greet.
You match, you message, you meet. And BOOM, sparks galore! Goodness, get me a fan! You might spend three hours, three days, three weeks, three months, three years, or three decades with this person. Who knows...Just enjoy it while it lasts. Some love affairs aren’t meant to last a lifetime and they have a shelf life and hopefully you’ll know when it’s time to say goodbye. Don’t force it! I highly recommend you watch, He’s Just Not That Into You. It’s a true depiction of trying to force someone to like you. You know when someone you don’t really have a connection with, tries to talk you into something more? Don’t be that person! Respect yourself and respect other people’s boundaries. You really have to have some tough skin in this game, but it’ll help you in the long run-- Trust me.
You match, you message, you meet. Not one iota of a spark! In fact, it goes completely sideways but you’ve got a great story to share the next day! I like to call those “I Should’ve Swiped Left”...
Now here’s the thing, I have had mostly scenario #1’s but still enjoyed myself, nonetheless. For I think that’s what life is...it’s about enjoying yourself and the moment!
I have also had a handful or 2 of #2’s! I’ll dig deeper into that topic at a later date and make sure my Mom knows not to read that write up;). Wowee, is all I gotta say! (Remind me to tell you about the Spanish diplomat I met in Bali last year;)
And I’ve had a few #3’s...I might be a glutton for punishment on this one though, because I am truly intrigued by the behaviour of some people. Plus, it’s a hell of a good story!
A few things to remember and these are some rules that are non-negotiable for me and I stick to them. Safety first above all else!
BE SAFE! Don’t be a donut! If something doesn’t feel right...don’t do it. Tell a friend where you’re going, share your location services on your phone, meet people in a public place, just be smart!
Be nice! Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Even if it’s hard to politely decline another date, put yourself in the other person’s shoes… Sometimes by trying not to hurt someone’s feelings, you’re hurting someone’s feelings! Honesty is always the best policy! You may not want to say it, but you should. And you may not want to hear it, but respect it! Not everyone is for everyone.
Have an absolute blast! Say YES to random outings. Get out of your comfort zone and be vulnerable. For that my friends, is where most of the fun lies!
If you’re not having fun with online dating, take a break, step away for awhile. If you think you’re ready but you’re not sure, that’s ok! It’s not going anywhere. When you’re ready, you’ll be ready. And if you’re seriously looking for that special someone, I suggest maybe you get off your wallet and go on a professional paid site. There are LOTS of people out there just like yourself, looking for their one.
Just remember one thing, you have to kiss a lot of frogs to get that prince or princess;)`
XX
Danielle
P.S. Secretly, I’m still hoping the right guy walks up to me in the grocery store while picking out avocados…If you need me, I’ll be perusing the produce section in The Red Barn Market or The Market on Yates;). Just kidding, I’m Divorcedinthecity…I eat out;)
