Getting Divorced Sucks! Being Divorced Doesn’t;)
“If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.”-Paulo Coehlo
I have been divorced now for a little over a year. Which in the middle of a pandemic has felt like 3 months and at the same time 3 years. It depends on my mood;)
I was married for just over 16 years, nothing to sneeze at, that’s for sure. I’m not the first to go through a divorce and I won’t be the last! Thank you, Jeff (one of my best friends) for pointing it out in a matter-of-fact way, I have never forgotten those words…
When you are in the thick of the shit storm, you feel very much like you’re the only one that’s ever gone through it… And let me tell ya, that feeling is f*ckng awful and I don’t wish it upon my worst enemy!
I wasn’t blessed with children...There’s a story there, and I will be sure to share it down the line. Often people have said to me, “No children...Well that’s easier! “. That line still chaps my ass...Believe me, not having children, didn’t make the process any easier...Just “less messy”.
People often liken divorce to death, which I didn’t see right away because 4 days after I had left my husband my Grandad passed away. And that, my friends, was a death!
What I saw when I walked into that hospital room, having missed his last breath…Was my Gram (deep sigh) I can still see and hear her…Her body was draped across the side of his hospital bed, holding his hand, sobbing with the words...”I can’t.” They would’ve been married 70 years that year and having seen and felt the anguish wash over her, I knew I had made the right decision in leaving my marriage.
I didn’t have that deep lasting love at the end of my marriage, unfortunately. So I made a very difficult decision and I left... I took a left, a Larry, a Lucy, whatever you want to call it...Instead of a safer right!
Not to say that I didn’t love my ex, because I certainly did. I married him thinking I was in it for the long haul. Unfortunately, we just fell out of love and before it turned completely sideways, I got out!
I went to see Dwight Yoakum the following January 12th, here in Victoria. This beautiful girl opened for him, her name was Meghan Patrick and she sang this song called “Still Loving You”. I sat there in the dark silently listening to the words with tears rolling down my cheeks. (The poor couple beside me). The verse that hit home was, “Let me leave, still loving you.” I sent it to my ex and most likely he wasn’t ready to hear the words...But if he paid attention to them, he would’ve known, I wanted to leave still loving him ♥️
Relationships, romantic or otherwise, sometimes have a shelf life. You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away and know when to run! There’s a reason why Kenny Rogers had a great career, he wrote about real life!
Until very recently, I felt like a complete failure...I am a competitive person by nature and I don’t like to lose...let alone fail at something so very important! I felt I was at marriage and it took me a very long time to realize, I would’ve failed myself and my ex if I stayed...
I gave myself the time to be heartbroken! To be vulnerable! To just be! Not right away, of course, that would’ve been way too easy;). I did a lot of looking within and I didn’t like what I saw…
To be frank, I made some doozy mistakes and I wasn’t good to myself. But in my defence, it was my first go-around;). So I’m giving myself a “get out of jail free card.” So don’t burst my bubble;)
Maybe I’ll write a “how to” guidebook about separation and divorce?!? Title-“What Not To Do, During a Divorce!”
I’ve got some crazy stories that are pretty cringeworthy…Some laugh-out-loud ones, that still make me chuckle…And some take your breath away heartache ones that formed me into the woman I am today. They say you have to fall completely apart to pick yourself up again. Falling completely apart scared the bejesus out of me. It was hard to be in it, and I think it was hard for my loved ones to see me in it.
All in all, I really believe I did it to the best of my ability, the right or the wrong of it, I did it My Way!
If I can give any advice to people who are in the thick of it- Please Please Please, surround yourself with good people! Seek out professional help! Keep active! Breath! And above all else- Give yourself a break, you’re only human!
We often mess up as humans… for after all, we are at the time of our lives where we have never been before. Every year you take another trip around the sun, gives you more knowledge and understanding, if you’re paying attention, than the trip before.
Sometimes in life, things just don’t work out the way we thought they would! The good thing about it, though...Until it’s over, it isn’t over!
One of the best quotes out there is, "It’s always all right in the end, if it’s not all right, it’s not the end!”
Ain’t that the truth!
XX
Danielle
P.S. If you ever get a chance to see Dwight Yoakam in concert, go! That dude has some serious swagger! It was a great concert...I snuck down onto the floor and danced my way up to the front. Tons of fun! Man oh man, I would’ve loved to have cut his hair back in the day though…Yeesh Dwight! Know when to hold em’ and know when to fold em’! As my brother-in-law, Marc says, “Fire it before it quits!” Bald is beautiful, guys! Just sayin’ ;)
